We Are Finally Saying Times Up

Times Up


I’m disgusted and outraged as I write this and for multiple reasons.  The “Times Up” movement has been going on for a bit now and we (the Church) is just now jumping on the bandwagon.  I’m disgusted by this in so many ways.  We should have been leading this movement, not part of the problem.  Over the past week a series of events have occurred that has put the SBC (Southern Baptist Convention) in a place  where they are going to have to make a decision.  So let’s start at the beginning…. ok,  not exactly the beginning, but farther back than a week ago.

In 2014, at the Awakening Conference Dr. Paige Patterson (who his the president of the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary) referred to a 16 year-old-girl as being “fine” “built”.  Also, as of the writing of this blog, he has not denied that he would counsel women to stay in abusive relationships.

I’m outraged and apparently are another 200 women from North Carolina who  have written an open letter to the SWBTS Board of trustees regarding taking action against this.  How can we be the representation of Jesus and allow abuse to take place, let alone individuals in leadership.  WE SHOULD BE LEADING THE TIMES UP MOVEMENT! NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM!

Instead, we have to write open letters to openly ask a board of trustees to remove a misogynistic individual who encourages women to stay in abusive situations.  THIS IS NOT WHAT JESUS IS ABOUT.  NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND!  Jesus called us to love others and help the least of these, not prey on them, abuse them or stay silent because its easier.  And Jesus got absolutely outraged times when He saw things that were blatantly wrong! The time for turning our heads and ignoring the problem is over.

For years abuse has been perpetrated from individuals within the church and within leadership.  How do I know this?  I experienced it.  And if you’re involved in a church then you probably know someone who has too.  Throw a stone and you’ll hit someone. I know people personally who were molested by youth pastors, were told by their pastor to stay with their abusive spouse.  I can say from personal experience that I told my senior pastor’s wife about my verbal abuse that my mother did to me.  I didn’t even mention the physical abuse, that was too embarrassing.  But I knew she saw how my mom spoke about me and to me.  She did nothing.  She empathized, but did nothing.  When I was in college I could not longer take my mother’s emotional and verbal abuse (the physical abuse had ended at this point because of an event where I fought back – but that story is for another day).  I called a meeting with our pastor and my parents.  My pastor said he only wished he could still argue with his son, but he had died the previous year.  He too did nothing.

I told family members for years about the physical and emotional abuse, but no one did a thing.  Each person I reached out to claimed to be a follower of Jesus.  Abuse exists, within the church, within it’s volunteers and leaders.  “The Church” has either chosen to close a blind eye or be the perpetrators.

Friends, let us rise up!  Let us stand hand in hand with these 200 women.  When we see abuse, let us address it!  Even if we suspect, let us ask questions and look out for one another.  We are not to hide it under the rug.  The blog Crying Out For Justice wrote a beautiful article explaining the SBC situation in better detail as well as Beth Moore’s blog explaining why she hasn’t addressed the issue sooner.  She also explains why she can no longer sit by and watch what happens.

Friends, let’s create a movement of #thechurchsaysnomore.  We can do this.  We can do better, and we can start today.  Have we screwed up in the past?  Yes, but let’s start taking action now!


The Outraged Inappropriate Pastor’s Wife



Good Friends Are Like A Fine Wine


Good friends are like a fine wine….o wait, except for the fact that we aren’t allowed to drink. See, I was raised in a Christian home that also drank.  I always thought drinking wasn’t a sin unless you got drunk; that was until I married a pastor that was part of another denomination.  I was informed while we were engaged that drinking was not something to be done or even talked about.  It was such an interesting transition for me as I was navigating new waters into this world as a pastors wife and what I was allowed to do and talk about and not.  This one really threw me for a loop and when it came up in conversation when people asked about the subject it was also a hold your breath moment.  I once heard a person in leadership say, “If it takes you 6 drinks to get drunk and you have 1 drink then you are 1/6 of the way drunk”. Now this really perplexed me because for some reason we had lots of people that struggled with the sin of gluttony and yet we weren’t addressing that issue from the pulpit.  So my question that I would ask (myself of course) is if it takes you 6 cheese burgers to be a glutton and you eat 1 cheese burger – are you 1/6 of the way a glutton?  Well of course not.  Because that logic is asinine.

So, I have a glass of wine in private with my closest friends.  Now, please don’t misunderstand me, if you have a brother or sister in Christ who struggles with alcoholism – don’t drink in front of them.  That is what Paul was referring to in Romans 14 about not leading a brother to stumble.  Jesus turned water into wine.  He wouldn’t have done that if it was sinful.  Jesus didn’t do this to cause us to sin; in fact He did the exact opposite.  So why, for all the wine in Italy…. are we completely abstaining from alcohol?  Because it’s legalism.  And friends, legalism is not what Jesus is about.  Not even for a hot second!  He came into the world and brought grace, not rules.  So sit back, have a glass of wine (unless you struggle with it) and relax.  It’s going to be ok.


The Inappropriate Pastors Wife



Can we just take a moment and address the hypocrisy?  I mean I do go to church and love Jesus and pray with you at church, but …. the moment that I screw up and accidentally curse, the elders are notified.  I’m so very serious right now.  I found out later on, but some one actually went and told the elders that I slipped up and cursed.  I literally don’t remember when it happened.  I had no idea.  I racked my brain for hours trying to figure out what I could have said or who(m) I may have offended.

It’s ironic isn’t it?  Instead of handling it in a “Christ-like” manner and coming to me directly to inform me of my dirty language and condemning behavior… they went and told my husband’s bosses.  Because that obviously is how mature Christians should handle things.  Friends, I truly struggle with loving the “weaker brother”.  I wish I could have known whom I had offended.  Believe it or not, I would actually have apologized to them.  I probably would have said I’m not perfect and have areas that I’m working on, but would have apologized for offending them none the less.  Fortunately, the elder that informed me also drank and cursed, so I was ok.  But it was the damn principle of the thing.  Come on friends, we are all in this together.  When you don’t speak in a Christ-like manner I don’t rat you out to your spouses boss. I’m not holy.  I’m not perfect.  I’m real.  And I’m just trying my best to get thru this thing called life.


The Inappropriate Pastor’s Wife

Shall We Begin?


It’s a Sunday afternoon and I’m drinking my cup of coffee.  Don’t ask me what number this is for the day…. I truly couldn’t tell you.  My family is sleeping after a crazy day of Sunday events that always take place when you’re married to a pastor.  For years I have always wanted to share the truth about being a pastors wife or just my own personal feelings, but heaven forbid we do that….the whole damn church might fall apart.  Why you ask?  Because as a pastors wife it’s my job to love others, smile, wave like a frickin princess.  My feelings and thoughts are not wanted.  Every other person in the church is allowed to share their feelings….but not me.  I can’t say that we cater to the old folks or that someone was rude as hell.  No, I’m supposed to suck it up because I’m married to the pastor.  I can’t post my views on social media because that would cause my husband lots of extra headaches to deal with…. and by that I mean spiritually immature individuals who want to have their pastors and their wives conservative republicans or holy and pious because wasn’t Jesus a white, middle class, Republican?  No…. I don’t get to be frustrated with the church or people.  I have to smile, wave and act like everything is fine despite church politics,  or that the pastor went 2 minutes over his sermon time and we didn’t get out right at noon.  Friends, I’ve waited a long time to write this blog, but the day is here.  I have enough content to keep us going quite a while, but I thought I would let you know that this blog is not for the faint of heart.

I plan to use the entire English vocabulary – curse words and all – gasp!  And you might even hear me talk about politics!  But I can assure you of one thing ….and that is that I will not be fake.  I will not hold my tongue and I will not act like everything is ok.  I don’t get to share my feelings as the regular pastor’s wife because if I did …. well my husband might not have a job.  So this space gives me anonymity and lets me use that sailor mouth my mother taught me and yet would gasp if she actually heard me speak it.  I do plan on mostly talking about love and Jesus and hypocrisy that I want to address ….So thanks for joining me.  Feel free to leave comments – but if their nasty… I probably won’t read them.